We talk all the time about what is right, how it should be, how it should not be. Knowing the laws is very important. It is necessary. And saves many lives. But it is also important to remember that fanatical and blind adherence to the rules is harmful. A woman needs to keep her mouth shut. It's true. Instead of reproaching her husband, scolding him, calling him names, comparing, sawing. Be sure to close - so as not to destroy the relationship, so as not to humiliate a man, so as not to break him. Properly and in time, a closed mouth prevents scandals, swearing, fights.

But a woman should not completely close her mouth. I will not even talk about the diseases that develop due to the swallowing of resentment and suppression of anger. I'm only talking about relationship problems. When we try to put up with everything and endure everything, something terrible happens. We kill our love. We ourselves destroy in ourselves not only the very feeling for our man, but also the opportunity to revive this feeling.

Just an example. If you like sweets - for example, ice cream, and will only eat it ... After how many days will you feel sick? After how many days will you stop wanting it? And can you then want again?

This is what happens with women. I want to be good and patient. Accept everything with gratitude. And is silent. And inside is a storm. A storm, because you want separate housing. Or certainty with his work. Or a child. Or flowers. But you never know what a woman wants! Wants - and is silent.

Rejecting her desires as shameful, interfering with herself and her husband. How much God has given - so much I need. And he endures.

But she doesn't understand the consequences. One day, her patience breaks. And she can no longer physically bear this man around. It can't at all. She can love and respect him just the same. But never be with him.

As much as we love sweet things, all six tastes are important – just like in food. Sweet, sour, astringent, bitter, salty, pungent. The balance of the six tastes gives satisfaction. So it is in relationships. We need not only joys, but also cohabitation of difficulties, crises, joint grieving and even a sprinkling of quarrels and conflicts. Everything must be balanced. For our own health.

I know several such examples personally. Such good girls who tried to build the perfect marriage. Deceiving everyone around with his happy appearance, hiding his desires and dreams inside. Pretending everything is great. And even for the husband it was a surprise that nothing was good. Never been good. That for the sake of a good picture she gave up herself. And all these years, hatred accumulated inside - for herself and this image. And to the man next to whom she behaved this way.

And they leave. They, good, ideal, leave by themselves. First. Sometimes - to someone. And to someone not so perfect and wonderful. And to the usual, next to which it is permissible to breathe, cry and even suffer from a headache. And sometimes they go nowhere. They leave in search of themselves. Herself, lost the moment she chose to remain silent.

I remember a conversation with a man who left his wife after eight years of marriage. They never fought and he was shocked. She took a small suitcase with things, two children and left. She left a note saying she could take the kids on weekends. As if she had just gone out for bread. And no matter how hard he tried, she did not return. She said that inside her something seemed to have died, broken.

And it gets weird, right? To be silent or not to be silent? To speak or not?

• Open your heart to your husband about everything.

Especially about things that are scary. If you cannot tell your husband everything you feel and think, this is a signal icon. Something is no longer right. You are already insincere. You are already deceiving both of you. You are already giving up a part of yourself - in the form of your feelings or thoughts. Even if it hurts him or you, speak up. Choose words, time, place, but speak. Talk about what you don't like, what causes you pain, anxiety. Do not wait for approval, support, help. Usually the first time for a man such behavior of a woman is a test.
We are afraid to open our hearts, because he will see us vulnerable, with a practically naked soul. This will make it much easier to get hurt. And besides, he will see that we are not perfect. And it can be disappointed, fall out of love, quit ...
In practice, silent wives are usually less attractive, relationships with them are more superficial. This is not even a relationship, but the appearance of a relationship, a kind of picture of an ideal family, inside of which there is emptiness and loneliness. Loneliness, in which a woman has driven herself into her silence and the desire to be perfect.

• Speak in a way that doesn't hurt.

That is, do not scold him, insult, nag. Talk not about him, but about yourself. It's not his fault that you feel this way. Most likely, you feel this way, and therefore he does what he has to do. You are depressed, he - without realizing it - is angry. Choose words, place, time .

• Talk about yourself.

I feel bad. I don't understand myself. It's hard for me. I'm in a panic. I'm upset. Remember books about children's upbringing, how you need to explain to a child what he did wrong. And apply the same to your husband. He is the same person. Not accusations, but "I-messages".

• Be direct about your desires and dreams.

No need to put ultimatums - "either I, or your mother." No need to press. Talk openly about what you want - separate housing, children, creativity, support. And don't expect to get it all right away. The main thing here is permission. By talking about this, you begin to allow yourself your own desires and dreams. This does not mean that they are now mandatory and you follow this. You simply allow yourself to want what you have wanted for so long. But you pretend you don't want to. Why only?

• Don't gloss over conflicts.

Do not allow everything to come back after a quarrel without a conversation. Speak up. Talk about how hard it was for you. Talk about your feelings. It is not necessary to pour out all the experiences only to your husband - go to your older friend, the priest. The husband after all such flow can and not sustain. Ask your spouse for forgiveness. Accept his apology. Discuss the topics that started the fire.

• Be honest with yourself. You are the same as everyone else.

You go to the toilet. You are angry. Are you jealous. You are jealous. You cry. You are scared. You are an ordinary earthly woman, just as vulnerable, illogical and emotional. And everyone around you is the same. Cover girls fart and don't look as model in the morning as they do in the magazine. Therefore, stop making yourself a marble ideal idol - "The Ideal Wife." Nobody needs it - the monument is cold and hard. And your husband needs a warm and loving wife. Not ideal. Live.

• If they don’t listen to you or you don’t know how to speak yet, write letters

You can't be completely silent. But sometimes the husband is not ready to hear something. Then sit down and write him a letter. And then decide for yourself whether to send or not.

One of my friends could not solve the issue of marriage with her husband. Ten years together. Two children. But he doesn't marry. Doesn't hear her. At least leave.

And then she started writing letters to him. About my feelings and anxieties. Paper is easier to open. About why this is important to her, why she needs it. And how it hurts to hear the rejection. Like she's not his princess. Many letters were written. But she put one of them in his work bag.

In the evening, the husband was unusually quiet and silent. He looked at her strangely. She had already managed to be frightened that he thought of her and whom he mentally called her. But I decided not to react to the changes. Live like before. And two days later she received a reply. Letter to kitchen table in the morning. About his fears and experiences. About how afraid he is of losing her. She sobbed right there, all morning. And she didn't say anything to him in the evening. She was thoughtful and quiet.

And a few days later, an envelope was waiting for her again on the same table. With a ring. And in one sentence - Do you still want to marry me?

The letter is universal. It can be rewritten, thrown out, corrected. You can think about it, choose words. This makes it easier to express your feelings. Yes and open easier than paper than to your beloved eyes, especially if you need to confess something.

And don't be silent. As soon as the woman is silent, everything starts to fall apart. This is a warning sign if you cannot or do not want to open up to your loved one. Before it's too late - stop enduring and trying to seem perfect. Speak up. Stay true to yourself.

Because once the accumulated snowball of resentment and discontent can cut off your path back to your beloved husband.

Olga Valyaeva

What women are silent about

Men are firmly convinced that women do not know how to be silent. Why, they even came up with a saying: “If a woman is silent, then it’s best not to interrupt her.” But is this really so? And are there things that men will never learn from their halves? What are women talking about?

What and how women are silent

Remember the proverb: "Silence is a sign of consent"? But it is true to some extent, if it does not apply to us women. After all often we are silent not in solidarity, but because we don't like it- as a punishment, out of stubbornness, out of great resentment, because of a small mind (well, why are we so smart and reasonable in life, we lose all composure and the ability to think soberly in situations involving men ?!).

Demonstrative proud silence, pouring cold arrogance - this is how we take revenge on the perpetrators of our troubles. I forgot about the wedding anniversary, I was late for a date, I looked at a passing girl with an interested look, - There can be any number of reasons for our displeasure.

And we are hiding the truth, because we regret the feelings of our men and so as not to upset them again. Well, why should he know that before him there were lovers with a less remarkable belly and not with such a pronounced bald head? Why plant unnecessary complexes in his subtle soul?

We previously published an article: What women are silent about in bed". But after all, you see, and outside of it, we have a lot of reasons and reasons to hide the truth from our loved ones.

And, mind you, we're not lying - we're just not telling

What women are silent about: 15 main topics

• About your age. As well as about the weight and volume of the chest. Firstly, the chest is already visible, and secondly, why does he need to know that the lion's share of its volume falls on foam rubber ( and in bed, as you know, all cats are black - maybe they won’t notice the difference). Well, as for weight - let him think that he lives with a 50-kilogram fluff ( so what if the scales break under this very fluff?).
• About the number of previous partners. Agree, it's stupid to give him an extra reason for jealousy. And, according to men, a figure that goes over ten is more of a female disadvantage than an advantage. After all, all of them, deep down, dream of being the first and only. Or at least the second, but beloved and most-most.
• We never confess to cheating. Because, despite the very fact of such, we value family most of all in life. And losing it due to random stupidity / outburst of emotions / fatal mistake is like death for us.
• We are also afraid to admit that terribly jealous of my man. After all, we are no longer 17, we are beautiful, successful, self-sufficient, according to our status, after all, we are not supposed to be jealous. And to admit that you hate this brainless nymphet who rubs her magnificent bust against his nose for the fifth time, which with great pleasure would pull out all her blond / brunette / red strands and scratch out lustful eyes - why does he need to know. It’s better to pretend that we don’t care deeply, and with a majestic tread will retire to the restroom to powder our nose ... and then swear from the heart.
• We have learned to enjoy men's gifts. Even a frying pan, presented with a proud look on March 8, even a new mouse for a common computer, modestly donated in St. Valentine's Day, even a box of unloved sweets ( but you told him a hundred times that you hate alcoholized cherries in chocolate) - just not to offend and completely discourage him from giving presents. An enthusiastic smile, a bunch of ardent thanks - we will not lose.
• It is sometimes difficult for us to admit that we are crazy, just to colic in the stomach and a spasm in the throat, we are afraid of losing our beloved man. Fall out of love, cool down, go to another - there are simply no reasons for our fears. But we will never admit it to him, otherwise he might become proud.
• We are stubbornly silent about your dislike for his friends / buddies / mother / dog. More precisely, the most persistent of us are silent. Because not everyone can afford to hide their fierce mutual hatred for the mother-in-law, who is trying to control her only beloved son even after 10 years of his married life.
• We never confess to him that every time we flirt with another man, we are actually flirting with him. Let him be jealous, let him know that other interesting men are looking at us.
• We always halve, or even three times the figure spent on shopping. Well, why does he need to know that the dress costs half his salary, and with the money spent on new sandals, he could “shoe” his brand new Nissan.
• No man ever will not hear from a woman the phrase: "You are not worthy of my care". Firstly, it will prove that she was mistaken in choosing a betrothed, and secondly, it will prove that her mother was not mistaken
• We never admit that the man was not good in bed. Tactful silence and a little patience - all this will more than pay off in the next love round.
• We will never give away a terrible secret that although they ordered a green salad in the restaurant, they would not mind tasting a juicy and smelling shish kebab from his plate for the whole hall.
• And we are all princesses And princesses, as you know, always have fresh breath, there is absolutely no vegetation on the body and there is never gas.
• When we claim that “everything is fine”, then literally it means: “Everything is bad, you give me little time, you once again forgot to take out the trash, you didn’t confess your love to me for 3 hours, you didn’t notice my new haircut!”.
• Almost all of us have money, postponed "in reserve" or on a "rainy day". Well, we do not trust men in this matter: they will stop giving for “pins”, cut the family budget, quit their job, quit. We must be ready for any life turns.

Afterword

We will not draw any conclusions and ask you, our readers, to tell the truth and only the truth to your men. Because we are women, and by status we are supposed to be mysterious and unread to the end

We will just publish a joke in the topic ( masculine, by the way.):

If the girl is silent, then this means one of three things:

1. she has a low IQ and is silent because she took the advice of a wiser person;
2. she has a high IQ and understands that not everything can be talked about;
3. no matter what her IQ, she is completely and completely absorbed in food.

Many men in their relationships with girls (women) faced the problem of "ignoring" them by a girl. This could manifest itself in different ways, for example, the girl does not call or write to you, does not answer your calls, and at the meeting she is silent for a long time. There can be many reasons for such behavior of girls, and often, some of them are clear only to them, and men, no matter how hard they try to understand them, cannot do anything. About why she is silent, our article will tell.

Consider some of the reflections of men and women, which, when "finding out", can lead to such "ignoring":

• A man, speaking about love, often characterizes only the degree of pleasure that he receives. A woman thinks that talking about love is a guarantee of future relationships and recognition of her exclusivity.
• When a man gives a woman a ring, he makes her happy, hoping, for example, for a response in bed or without any intention. But women regard such gifts almost as an engagement.
• The man praises the food prepared by the woman and happily stays to spend the night with her, because everyone is pleased to wake up in a cleaned apartment and eat not sandwiches or scrambled eggs for breakfast, but a real homemade delicious breakfast, which was also served beautiful woman. But a woman at this time presents a picture of a successful marriage, perceiving such a “residence” of a man “on her territory” as the first step towards marriage.
• When a man asks who a woman is with, where she is and what she is doing, he is simply wondering when he can expect to meet her. And the woman thinks that the man is very much interested in her personal life, because he claims to be "unique and unique."

When such things are cleared up, a woman feels used, that's why she is silent and she has no desire to communicate with a man. In order to avoid such unpleasant situations, you need to calmly sit down and discuss the situation.

What other reasons could there be

In addition to all of the above, you need to remember that if everything is too good, then it is "also bad." After all, then it would be boring and monotonous, which would serve as a pretext for other tensions in the relationship between a woman and a man. Also, everyone knows that in a relationship everything cannot be very smooth and amicable. It must be borne in mind that communication is a manifestation of the relationship between a man and a woman. Since, with the help of communication, and not just actions and deeds, we demonstrate an attitude towards each other.

To understand why a woman reacts this way, you need to put yourself in her place. It is very difficult, because people are so different and it is difficult to imagine yourself in the place of another person. Think, maybe you said something or did something “wrong” and the girl, after a while, rethinking your words or actions, does not want to speak first.

But do not be upset, because such behavior of girls is, as a rule, a short-term phenomenon. Try to be more persistent or, on the contrary, give her a "rest" from you, because a girl can just be shy and uncommunicative, which does not mean at all that you have become indifferent to her. But, nevertheless, if the girl's behavior does not change over time, then you need to understand that she does not want to see you at all, she does not need you. With this, no matter how sad it may be, you need to put up with it and remember that life does not end there.

Now you know why she is silent!

I am a man [For men, and a little about women] Sheremeteva Galina Borisovna

The silence of a woman

The silence of a woman

If a woman is silent for a long time and is forced to think silently, her brain turns on the negative cultivation of problems. In this state, she may well grow an elephant out of a fly.

Female gets pregnant everything that comes from a man - a rudely spoken word, a misinterpreted gesture, the wrong tone, look. And work begins in the woman's brain.

If a woman is silent, she is preparing an atomic bomb!

In fact, when a woman stops talking, her brain continues the conversation. Unfortunately, in such a state, she cannot come up with anything positive. Women are collective beings who need joint verbal reflection. They need to know the opinions and desires of their entire family in order not to offend anyone and keep the peace.

So the woman was silent. Like soil, your rude phrase, look, tone of speech got into her brain. Now she will look for flaws in herself, on the basis of which what she perceives from you will begin to develop and germinate. The more a woman is silent, the more seriously she exposes herself to criticism and self-flagellation.

Often, falling silent, a woman begins to think like this: “Oh, since you treat me so badly, what are you saying, I won’t talk to you anymore ...”

But this is only the beginning.

Then she will evaluate your phrase, without criticism, but simply perceiving it as a “pregnancy” that has already happened, which has begun to develop: “If you said so, then everything is bad with me.”

Then she will criticize and destroy herself in a way that no one else will ever be able to do. Only she can trample on everything valuable in herself with such passion. If she is not stopped, then she will lower her self-esteem below the floor.

This doesn't happen with men. First, because he only thinks silently.

Secondly, since a man would rather blame others for his mistakes than admit his guilt. What is there to say about self-criticism. The more a man is silent, the more he is sure of his uniqueness, correctness and even genius. So nature arranged it, because he has to silently make important decisions on hunting or war.

When a woman is told: “You are beautiful,” she thinks: “Probably they are laughing at me and something is wrong with me.”

If there is silence after that, she will find a moment to run to the ladies' room and look at herself from all angles in search of a problem.

Many men were surprised. They thought that women so often want to admire themselves.

In fact, if a woman looks at herself in the mirror, she is looking for her problems.

When a man is told: “Good”, he will take it as a confirmation of his value and significance: “Yes, I am like that.”

It would never occur to any of the men to take this as an insult or criticism.

It is too hard for a woman to remain silent for a while. That only they do not think of themselves when they are silent. Therefore, wanting to punish a man, some women use silence. They think it will hurt the man just as much as it hurts them.

In fact, in silence, the man rests and relaxes, and the woman continues her destructive process.

Often in silent women it is violated hormonal background, resulting in weakened nervous system, tears, tantrums, weight disorders, sleep, headaches, failures in the normal functioning of female organs.

This text is an introductory piece. From the book Psychotherapy. The art of understanding nature by Rout Sheldon

Chapter 13 the main role during psychotherapy. Stone (1961) recalls that words form a psychosomatic bond

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From the book 175 ways to expand the boundaries of consciousness by Nestor James

Voluntary silence We live in an era of eternal noise. It literally makes us sick (see Color Noise). So today, more than ever, a respite in the gentle embrace of the Lady of Silence will not only clear our minds, but also soothe our souls. There is nothing new in silence.

From the book How to Give Your Life More Love and Meaning author de Angelis Barbara

12. Silence and holy places We need to find God, and he cannot be found in the noise and bustle. God is friendly with silence. Mother Teresa It is often in silence and solitude that you find your most meaningful authentic moments. Silence nourishes the soul and heals the heart. She creates

From the book Self-Teacher of Wisdom, or a Textbook for those who like to learn, but do not like being taught author Kazakevich Alexander

"The best answer to a fool is silence" If you are really itching to "comb" a daring upstart, some experts recommend resorting to euphemisms. That is, to soften harsh words with their synonyms or synonymous phrases. They are especially good at this technique.

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The strange silence of traumatized souls The strange silence of traumatized souls... “At the age of sixteen, I learned that one day I would no longer be able to see. Inspired by a mad desire to win and knowing how much my loved ones love me […], I decided not to say anything about the disease

author Patterson Curry

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Silence Not every person who comes up with an unflattering story seeks to talk about it, that is, to tear the culprit to shreds - at least he is not always ready to do it right away. Many people take time to get upset, feel complacent, or feel

From the book How to overcome shyness author Zimbardo Philip George

Silence is not always golden People show their shyness in different ways. 80% note that the reluctance to enter into a conversation is a signal to them and others “Something is not right”. About half of those who are shy indicate that they find it difficult to say anything at all; for 40%

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The Silence of the Infinites In his work Thoughts, the French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote: "The silence of these infinite spaces frightens me." Who among us has not had to wake up at four in the morning with a terrible feeling of loneliness, vulnerability and fear? Who

If a man wants to keep a woman silent, he uses forbidden tricks. The truth is that criticism of women's appearance works flawlessly. Most of the fair sex are painfully sensitive to caustic remarks about their complexion or age-related changes in the form of wrinkles or sagging skin. A woman is forced to hide her age by resorting to the services of plastic surgeons, however, even in this case, she cannot avoid critical arrows, since any manipulations with her appearance immediately become obvious.

This trick has been honed over the years.

There is nothing new in the accentuated attention to women's "flaws", this technique has been honed in society for years. In your appearance will always be the judge of how well you take care of yourself and will be discounted once your skin starts showing signs of aging. But if you start to struggle with the age-related transformations of the body and face, you will immediately be obstructed for trying to catch the bandwagon of the train to the Eternal Youth station. Whatever you do, your appearance will always be a topic of discussion.

Hit on the sore spot

They say that silence is golden, but not in a situation aimed at infringing on personal rights. Manipulators deftly press on the pain points and turn off the objectionable opponent from the game. All their critical arrows are nothing more than a mockery of appearance. Unfortunately, these arguments have nothing to do with the exchange of opinions and expose the woman as a sexual object. Such criticisms imply that the interlocutor questions the existence of female intelligence. The practice of attacking women's appearance and the painful reaction of offended women make the latter obsessed with improving the face and body.

Personal humiliation

Psychologist René Engeln interviewed dozens of women about their experiences with the transformation obsession. Almost all stories began with resentment at men saying "You're ugly" or "Look at your double chin and cellulite." As a result, the dialogue comes to its logical conclusion, the attacker rejoices and celebrates the victory, and the wounded lady goes home to lick her wounds. Such a practice of attacks instantly devalues ​​a woman as a person and makes her understand that she has only one purpose - to be a beautiful addition to a man or to be an outcast.

Even politicians allow themselves to do this.

When the Women's March was held in the United States in January 2017, Nebraska legislator Bill Kintner retweeted a photo of three middle-aged women protesting newly elected President Donald Trump, accusing him of sexism. The tweet was posted with the following explanation: "Ladies, I think you're safe." These words of the senator, who has now retired, are regarded as a mockery: "You do not need to think about sexual violence, because you are too ugly. Live in peace, no one will encroach on you." There are many such examples. And if politicians of the highest level go down to direct injections against women's appearance, then what can we say about ordinary citizens?

What is the true purpose of a woman?

The opportunity to please the eyes of others is not imputed to the direct duties of a woman, therefore, a reference to her external appearance is inappropriate. However, the incessant beauty contests and the same type of faces of beauties cause significant damage to the self-esteem of the fairer sex. The desire to emulate unspoken standards of beauty negatively impacts mental and physical health and includes depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. When men ignore women's statements and instead focus on their appearance, the thread of a meaningful discussion is lost. After all, if the lady's argument has no merit, a counterargument should be given, and not turned off from the fight with the help of injections to her appearance.