What could this mean for your relationship?
- How can a crisis in a relationship contribute to a partner's suggestion: ""?
- What to do if a loved one offered you to transfer the relationship to a friendly plane?
- What relationship scenarios might lead to such a proposal?
And how it all started perfectly ... Romantic walks, gentle hugs and kisses.
The desire to know each other better and mutual attraction was pleasant for both. Friends and acquaintances already considered you a couple. In dreams, plans were already being made for a joint future, and my heart beat faster with happiness that my beloved was nearby. And then suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, your beloved says that your relationship can no longer be close and offers:
This is one of the turning points in a relationship, when a romantic infatuation moves into the next more mature stage. In this case, the primary task of the relationship has already been completed - the couple is scheduled, and the period of testing the viability of a possible partnership begins.
Now it is necessary to agree on what rules the partners will adhere to in their couple, take a closer look at the values, worldview of each other, views on life together. And here, as with any crisis in a relationship, the couple runs the risk of either breaking up or taking the relationship to a completely new round.
It is worth noting that the offer to remain friends can arise during any relationship crisis. But we will focus on the situation when the partners started dating, perhaps even have little experience of living together (1.5-2 years), but still do not fully consider themselves a family, have not formalized the relationship, and perhaps have not even thought about it yet.
Usually the offer "let's be friends" is unexpected and puts a person in a dead end.
You are confused and puzzled:
- “What is wrong with me, because I do so much for her / him?
- Why doesn't he/she want to be with me?
- Why don't I fit?"
"What to do next? Or maybe it's true - just stay friends. Why not? If for some reason we cannot be in love relationships- let them be friendly. Yes, this is not the right relationship, but do not stop talking because of this? Moreover, the person is so dear and close.
Such an offer indicates that your partner / shu is no longer satisfied with your relationship. In his/her mind, this relationship did not work out.
The reasons may be different, and they are not necessarily related to your personality. Let's consider some.
Love is gone
The beginning of a relationship is usually accompanied by a state of falling in love. This is the first stage in the development of a love relationship. During this period, the body produces certain hormones that paint the world in bright colors. At this moment, everything in the chosen one seems beautiful: appearance, habits, even flaws seem cute.
Feelings calm down somewhere in 1.5-2 years, and then the partners begin to soberly assess the pros and cons of their chosen one. They get used to each other, behave more naturally and relaxed. The romantic fog dissipates and the partner / sha appears before the lovers as real person with all its advantages and disadvantages.
This is the next stage of a love relationship that not everyone can handle. After all, the state of being in love is based solely on hormones and passion. When biochemistry fades into the background, it is difficult for a partner to accept the fact that the relationship may not be ideal. Instead of working on them, he prefers to leave and find a new portion of euphoria in other ways.
We are different
At some point, it may turn out that you have significant differences in views, interests, worldview. It's one thing when both partners see it and can part by mutual agreement. Another thing is when only one of the partners understands this, and he has an internal disappointment in the relationship.
It comes to the realization that you are different people. For some time, outwardly, a partner may not betray such disappointment either by actions or words. You, in turn, are gaining momentum in your expectations regarding your / her chosen one / tsy. You have already planned everything in advance - meeting relatives, getting married, having children, etc.
Only this bright future is only your desires and your aspirations, and the partner does not want to go there. He / she understands that you are not on the path. He/she has completely different dreams, desires, priorities in life.
You have met your fate, and you want to merge into one with your / her beloved / mine. It's so nice to think about him/her all day long. You can't help but call him/her. You want to see him / her every minute, you are constantly looking for a reason to meet.
It is natural for you that now you belong to each other and now you have everything in common - time, space, interests, friends, business. It is possible that for the time being this state of affairs of your / shu partner / shu was quite satisfied. And at the very first stage of the relationship, when the couple is just being formed, such behavior is quite acceptable and justified.
During this period, the desire for intimacy and increased attention to each other is pleasant for both. However, this cannot continue indefinitely, and it is quite normal that partners cannot spend all the time together. After all, there are other areas in life besides relationships.
When you and your partner become a couple, the relationship is already there, and you want to get satisfaction from other areas of life. Do your job, spend time with your hobbies, communicate with other people. And if you are jealous of any activity of a partner that is not connected with you, then the partner becomes cramped in such a relationship.
Endless demands for attention to oneself can lead to the exact opposite effect: the partner will begin to move away, demonstrate coldness and, tired of the claims, may decide to end the relationship.
Whatever the reason for the dissatisfaction of the existing relationship, the sentence “let's remain friends” under the circumstances considered indicates only one thing - your chosen one decided / la put an end to your love relationships, even though it hurts. For himself, he / she realized that your relationship did not work out and is unpromising in the future.
In this article, we examined the relationship between a crisis in a relationship and a proposal to transfer them to a friendly plane, as well as relationship scenarios in which this proposal clearly means the partner’s desire to end your relationship.
Seeing a sad guy, it is often easy to guess what is the reason for his frustration - the girlfriend said let's stay friends. Men of any age who have little experience in communicating with the opposite sex, who have not yet learned to understand women, often react to this phrase with total depression: they go into a binge, cry into a pillow, complain to friends and relatives, try to return their beloved, etc. The phrase "let's remain friends" is perceived only as a catastrophe of a universal scale. Although, if you think about it, nothing terrible actually happened AT ALL. Below I will talk about how to easily and simply survive DOD (let's stay friends) and start living to the fullest. happy life after a couple of hours or a maximum of days, after this phrase.
The girl said let's be friends. What to do
If the girl said let's be friends, you don't need to panic. In a pickup truck, this phenomenon is well known. Conventionally, it is called "The girl announced the DOD." Believe me, this will happen more than once in your life, but after reading this article, you will be ready for it.
If a girl told you “let's be friends” - this means that you are no longer attracted to her as a sexual partner, or she did not consider you as such at all. It is important to understand this information in this way and to accept it courageously. It is clear that this is painful, unpleasant, but the bitter truth is always better than sweet lies - remember this.
The second thing you need to accept is that you can't get her back. Not because it's unrealistic, it's just that if she threw you once, she will throw you a second time, or she will manipulate you all her life, and this is humiliating and wrong.
Third, your brain is now inadequate. He is frantically looking for reasons why your beloved left you, and options for how to get her back. You will not find the reasons - do not try in vain. She can tell you that she doesn’t feel a spark between you and you will try to ignite this spark, when in reality she has just been sleeping with another man for a week, who she likes an order of magnitude more.
Why can't you get your ex back?
The option of her return should not be considered at all. First, it is humiliating and unworthy normal man. Secondly, now it will cost you a lot of time, resources and nerves, and all for what? To make her snort and turn her nose? Usually guys try to get the girl back - they spend a lot of money, they don't sleep at night - but they still can't get it back. Simply because she fell in love with another man. Then the guy, after a while, usually calms down and realizes that it is unrealistic to return her and begins to live his own life. So isn’t it easier to skip all this suffering and waste of resources and immediately start living normally, burning out energy to others, more useful way, for example, through sports. It is a mistake to think that your situation is unique, and the woman is the only one. Believe me, after a breakup with a girl, every man is convinced of this if he has little experience in communicating with women.
Practice shows that some guys, spending a lot of resources, return the former after other men. Or they themselves then return, as they were abandoned by their lover or something did not work out there. Some ask for forgiveness in tears, others, on the contrary, return like they are doing you a favor (especially if the guy did not stop trying to return her). But all the same, such couples then break up and do not last long, as the guy realizes (if not immediately, then over time) that he was betrayed, exchanged, and returned purely because he is a spare and convenient option. For a man, this is humiliating. It is better to endure pain once than to feel humiliated all your life and allow yourself to be pushed around.
What exactly to do if a girl announced DOD
If a girl told you let's stay friends, you have to do only two things: urgently, and start meeting other women. This is enough to overcome your attachment to the former, at least the first symptoms of her in just a couple of hours. Sitting at home and loading up, going to a bar, crying to friends, etc. Absolutely forbidden! This will only exacerbate an already bad mood.
If you were declared DOD, urgently go and meet 3-5 other girls. It is optimal to make 10 approaches to strangers. It’s better not to concentrate on one now - after the breakup, it will seem worse than the former. Try to get to know as many people as you can. The first 2-3 approaches may be difficult for you - come with strength. Breaking up with the woman you love is a situation that gives a lot of energy. Use it correctly - step over your fear and reluctance to get acquainted, and seduce other women.
The second is sports. Work out at the gym for at least 2 hours every day. You can go to football or do long-distance races. But it’s even better to go in for boxing or wrestling - there you will quickly beat all the nonsense out of yourself.
If you start actively getting to know girls, doing at least 5-10 sets a day, you will forget your ex - if not in a couple of hours, then in a week for sure. Not in the sense that you will no longer remember who she is and what you had with her, it’s just that your feelings for her will cool down and you will begin to treat her like the most ordinary girl. Many guys do not want this, because they are rushing with a heady feeling of love and are warmed by the hope of returning their beloved. But remember that one feeling is always replaced by another, so in any case, heady love is guaranteed to you, only with a different, better girl.
- No alcohol. Drinking, even moderate, only increases suffering and provokes you to inappropriate actions. Silence the inner discomfort from breaking up with sports and sex with other women;
- other girls. Do not look immediately after parting with your beloved for the next girlfriend for life. Now your task is to drown out feelings with sex. Just fuck for your pleasure with many women - with all those who fall for you and you more or less like. Enjoy your freedom - no serious relationship;
- No suffering. The former is not the best and not the only one. An ordinary girl, in some ways worse than many others. Remember how you felt about her before you met. What has changed since then? She gave you and was tender, spoke words of love? Yes, others can do the same. Moreover, she can be with a sexier figure, and cooking is tastier. A new partner is always better than the previous one - this is an axiom. Otherwise, after a breakup, people would never build relationships with anyone again.
Don't worry, you will also have a beautiful woman, and happy love, and family being, and stability. You just need to make an effort and all this can happen in a couple of days. Or years - if you continue to sour over the former. good girls actually a lot, a lot. In your city, on your street, there are dozens of them every day. Start meeting other girls, do it a lot and often, and you will see that there are many pretty young ladies around, much better than your ex, who will appreciate you much more than she does.
Having heard a terrible phrase from a man, let's remain friends, do not rush to get upset and look for flaws in yourself. Try to figure out on your own why the beloved behaved this way, and whether there is a chance of returning him.
In very, very rare cases, the status of "just friends" can be the beginning of a romantic relationship. Such a development of events is possible when he is drawn to you, but he is simply not ready for a sudden romance. This happens when people who just got out of a negative romance are not in the mood to start a new relationship.
What does the phrase "Let's be friends" mean?
In any case, the phrase "Let's remain friends" means that in general you are a good person, but not so interesting as to move further in the same direction with you. Or he seems to love, but wants to keep the relationship at a distance. Basically these have ex girlfriend, which is gone in the past, but he still hopes for a reunion.
The phrase "let's be friends" often needs to be understood as: "You are valuable to me, but only as a backup option."
Therefore, such an offer should be rejected. Never waste your precious time on a person who is trying to put you on the bench.
Why should you answer with a firm "No" to his offer to remain friends?
We women are more mobile, and above all, we value care and personal qualities. At least that's how it should be. But men first of all need a beautiful picture, and then a rich one inner world, status, intelligence, the presence of talent and other stray.
When you hear the insulting phrase “let's be friends” addressed to you, do not try to prove with all your might that you can live up to his ideal. After all, it is not known what image is drawn in the head of a man. This frame just seeks to find a girl without whom life will lose all meaning, and this is a normal phenomenon. Just thank him for being honest and not wasting your time, and you can now move on.
After all, many guys still continue the relationship without trying to transfer the status to just friends, but at this moment they are looking on the side the best way and then leave without explanation.
And the worst mistake is that a woman is afraid to be alone and begins to speculate with intimacy, trying to bind her beloved child. But after a certain time, this glue does not help either. So there is a huge number of mothers raising their children without a father.
Why did the man say "let's be friends"?
- It often happens that the desire for freedom overrides the determination to get involved headlong into a love story. If the chosen one offered to wait, do not settle for just friendship, but pretend that you have completely forgotten about his existence.
- You merge with the general gray mass of other female representatives. In this case, the offer to remain friends is based only on a feeling of pity or indecision to end the relationship, which will lead nowhere.
- MCH could suffer from previous failed love ties. As a consequence, negative experiences require a more meaningful approach to the new connection.
- You weren't that good.
- Girls most often overly care about their beloved, completely forgetting about themselves. But love for one's own person implies constant care for one's own appearance, and also provokes the desire to be realized in a professional or creative way.
- You probably often roll up scenes of jealousy and simply demonstrate your distrust.
The guy and the girl are alone in the apartment, the guy sticks to the girl, she resists and says:
Let's just be friends.
- Well, then let's go to the stall for vodka and take off the girls for the evening.
Have you met girls who say - "Let's Stay Friends (DOD)"? ... Yes? Truth? Personally, no one ever told me. And why? Yes, because they DO NOT SAY THIS!!! They show it with their behavior. And I, as a person who is not stupid, try to get ahead of this “terrible phrase” of theirs.
I did not go far and decided to ask the girls themselves, what is DOD and what is it eaten with?
What is DOD?
* DOD is a state when you do not see a sexual partner in a person close to you "usually this means that you are a guy, but I will not sleep with you if you pronounce it this way, this phrase (Julia, 24 years old)".
* This is the feeling that the person who is nearby is a sexless creature created for joint non-intimate pastime "if they say this after a relationship, then people just want to disperse peacefully, but, naturally, realizing that there will be no friendship as such (Yulya, 18 years old)".
* DOD is when, instead of a kiss at a meeting, they turn their cheek, they refuse an invitation to the cinema, because a second cousin cousin my mother's grandmother broke her leg and is lying in the crematorium, but when you need to cry, they immediately run to blow your nose into your vest ...
* "Well, it's just... I think... that a friend... is, so to speak, the first person to whom I can come with my problem, misfortune... and this will not mean "crying".... for me, STI will mean - to speak out and listen to smart advice (Zhenya, 16 years old)"
In general, DOD is when they hint at you in a mild form - “Boy, wouldn’t you go to the farm to catch butterflies”? And do not be deceived by the mild form of such a reception to send you away. In most cases, they are not worried about your mental state, but about their own well-being - roughly speaking, they do not want to create problems with you in the form of showdowns and showdown. Or they think that, as a friend, they can get more from you, and give you less at the same time. Like - "Be a friend - wash my socks." ...
Where and why does DOD come from?
Why? Yes, by the fact that dreams did not come true, that it's cool with you, but you're not a prince and that's it. "well, when interest in a person disappears, but there is no visible reason for parting - such a phrase is usually said (Julia, 18 years old)". It's nice to meet with you, but... You don't meet any selection criteria. Every woman dreams of finding a self-confident man to feel "like behind a stone wall." She wants to find a partner who will satisfy her not only physically, but also spiritually. Who will not pay attention to other girls, who will love her children (when they appear), who will be the master of the situation. And if he does not pass, according to some criteria, but likes him as a person, then the attitude towards him as a friend.
"why.... how the hell do I know... maybe because something didn't work out... or maybe you get tired of a person like your passion, but at the same time you don't want to lose him completely.... because a good person... (Zhenya, 16 years old)."
Let's analyze what Zhenya said. Despite such a young age, she already understands that some guys should not be sent away, even if there is no desire to keep them closer. In general, you are a good person, or rather a burly one. And it is better to keep the burdock at a distance. On the one hand, you do not owe him anything, but on the other hand, he is always at hand, just whistle.
What is really hidden under the words "Let's remain friends."
"That's hidden ... you don't excite me, but I don't want to lose you ... we'll play "closer-further" until we get bored (Svetlana, 27 years old)". What should I say. At least honestly. Respect to Svetlana.
What can I say, there are many examples of why a girl does not allow a boy to her body, but at the same time keeps him with her "if a guy offers to move on to a closer relationship, but you don't want to, then that's what I usually tell him, or we remain friends or not at all. (Yulia, 24 years old)." And here the question arises, is friendship between a guy and a girl possible at all? It is possible, I will say, and I will get better a little - it is possible, before the first spermotoxicosis. Well, who can blame a girl for not kissing you on the first date? Who will reproach her for the fact that on the second she did not give a boob to hold on to? Who will say something against the fact that on the third date she did not give? "I met a guy, and he is neither fish nor meat, I already took the initiative into my own hands (I liked the boy) but he is not broken through (Alexandra, 25 years old)"
I will reproach, I will say against, because it is unnatural. No, I'm not saying that on the third she is obligatory, she should give (maybe she has her period), but she should not feel in you, dear friend, a vest for snot. You are a man! Show her right away that you are a man, not an errand boy ... Just don't overdo it, you don't need pomposity either, just show what you really want. No need to shout at every corner that you desired that woman with huge boobs, just go up to her and say: - Good afternoon girl, you have such a luxurious chest that you want to touch it, and touch it! "you're so funny =)) (Ksenia, 21 years old)" Stop... Double second... I said, touch it, don't grab it. What am I leading up to? And besides, you need to overcome the feeling of "respect" for the girl. There is you, there is her, you both want sex, why invent a faloimitator when you can think of a bunch of ways to get her into bed. Every girl has the fact that she must give herself to the depths of her brain. This is an indisputable fact "when meeting a guy, I look at whether he can give me pleasure (satisfy - my note) or not (Oksana, 29 years old)". Sometimes you look into her eyes and see the inscription - "you don't fuck with friends." But everything could be different. After all, he could not answer in this way, but otherwise, he could touch once instead of a hundred words spoken, he could kiss goodbye on the lips, and not peck on the cheek ... He could forget about SMS and call ... Could, but did not ...
Way out of the situation with the code name "DOD"
Okay, I digress. So. You meet a girl, well, let's say, a year. During that time, you've only had squeezing dances, occasional stolen kisses, walking hand in hand, and throwing pebbles into the lake. what to do? I want to fuck! This is what you are reading right now. There are many methods for getting out of a DOD situation. But in any of them you need some effort. What do you need to do? You need to do something so that the girl herself begins to stick, and for this, you need to show her how super you are. No, no, don't run to her, run not to her, but to other young ladies. Seduce them. Show yours that you are just a super man. Appear where she happens to be with different women, show tenderness and affection for her friends, and hammer a big and thick wedge on her ... for a while ... no, don't disappear, just don't show much interest in her. Let's say you're walking hand in hand in the park, she meets a friend, and YOU start flirting with her friend in front of her. But just to flirt, look, do not overdo it.
When you see that your beloved is already tearing her hair out of jealousy, then the time for decisive action comes. Ready? Did you wind up the snot from your fist and throw it in the trash? Fucked 10 women? Is everyone ready for work and defense? Then read on. You disappear from the zone of her visibility for a week, no longer worth it - interest will be lost, but less is not desirable - you will get bored, you will not have time. A week later, CALL her and invite her on a DATE, not to the cinema, not to take a walk. Immediately put it before the fact. Today we have a date with all the ensuing (if only not dripping =)) consequences (right to the point! approx. Heads of Ed. HoLoD). Don't break down, don't reinvent the wheel, just say: - "Darling, I want to invite you on a date, we'll meet there and there at such and such a time." When you meet, you simply have to kiss her on the lips. If he doesn’t want to, you can say something like “you didn’t understand anything,” and then turn around and leave. I have to surrender! If she doesn't care, then with a calm soul send her to the garden, she's not for you. And generally speaking. MOST IMPORTANT, do not be afraid to lose one girl, if you dig deeper, there are more of them in the world than men, you can always find yourself better, smarter, more beautiful, more relaxed. Kissed? BABY! the first step has been taken. The main thing is not to slow down.
Before the date, did you plan the places where YOU would go? So take her there. Where there is soft music romantic mood, fine champagne and a soft bed... Whoops, what am I talking about? It's too early to go home. Anywhere, as long as she was interested. Don't let her get bored even for a second. On your part, there should be constant kinesthetics, held on to the handle, slapped on the ass, laughed and touched his forehead to the shoulder, kissed the hair, took the hand and pulled somewhere like "Look! Our reflection in the shop window, you and I look great ". Wherever you go, everywhere try to see how she reacted to your touch. Did not like? Fix it. Liked? Repeat a little later. And so the whole date. If you can't make a big roof-breaker, make a bunch of little ones. The girl should see you from a different angle. You are no longer a boy, you are an interesting person! "And how did I not immediately notice so many charms in it!" When you bring her home in the evening, I'm sure that she will let her hug her waist ... well ... did you want to spoil everything? Stand not at a pioneering distance, but much closer. Hug her so that she would cling to you with her whole body. You can whisper in her ear in this position, or you can kiss her right away. No, do not peck at the lips, but suck. Resist? Ignore. Put pressure on the fact that you deserve a kiss, she was super, so why spoil the day with some conventions ...
How to offer DOD yourself
"to say that you adore him (her) as a person, but you don’t want more, so DOOOOOOOOD (Julia, 18 years old)"
"what is the right way? I think there is no special algorithm here, you can’t prepare a word in advance. For example, I always improvise, I act depending on the mood and situation (Julia, 24 years old)"
"dear boy, I appreciate you very much, but let's leave our relationship at the current level (Svetlana, 27 years old)"
"I'll just say - you don't want me, so I'll find myself another male, call us at your leisure, we'll go to the cinema (Oksana, 29 years old)"
"never offered and I hope not to (Ksenia, 21 years old)"
Well, brother in arms. Let's end on that sad note, shall we? An no. We will say together “what the hell is needed” and we will behave with dignity. After all, no one will reproach us for the fact that we will return to ourselves what can rightfully belong to us. What has sailed away from us, only thanks to our stupidity and inexperience. The woman who might be your ideal partner. The one with which life seems like a fairy tale!
Good luck in your difficult endeavor!
Can you still be friends after a breakup? Many believe that this is possible, but the soulless reality is relentless - no, it is impossible. Friends cannot be separated.
Everything is simple here. If you break up, you are not friends. If you are friends, you do not part.
Let's figure it out.
What is friendship?
Contrary to popular belief, it is quite possible to define what friendship is. These are relationships based on the highest form of trust, in which people act in the interests of another, even in spite of themselves.Simply put, a friend will rush into the fire after you, even if he himself can get hurt. Or the shirt will give the last. Because he puts - at least for now - your interests above his own. And, of course, he expects you to do the same.
Friendship, by the way, is generally characterized by the rejection of mercantile calculations of mutual concessions and concessions.
Consequently, friends try to help each other - including where they have relationship problems. Friends do not consider (if they are friends) that someone alone is to blame. Friends together are responsible for the current situation and fix it together.
So if the spouses, for example, have some problems on, say, the sexual front, then the spouses, who are friends, solve these problems together. And it makes no sense to leave them.
How does the chest open?
As is often the case, people say one thing and mean another.What are they really talking about when they suggest they stay friends? About the desire to leave quietly, peacefully, easily and nicely.
It is understandable - and it’s not very fun at heart, and then a stabbing is planned. Therefore, I want to somehow soften everything.
At the same time, not everyone knows that a scandal can be avoided, but it is unlikely that it will be possible to part easily and nicely - parting, in principle, is a painful thing. At the same time, of course, you can maintain some friendliness and then communicate relatively warmly. This is reasonable and quite appropriate in some cases. But this, as you understand, is not friendship.
There is one more moment - when one of the parting people hopes for a resumption of relations and therefore tries in every possible way to appease the second. And the second perceives all this as friendship, although he himself does not invest in return, but only uses the first. And this, as you understand, is also not friendship.
How to be?
If you really want to leave, then speak directly - I want to leave, I want it to cause you and me as little pain as possible. This is the best option, if only because it is extremely clear, and therefore not as painful as the vague "let's be friends."If you are really friends, then there is nothing to part about. Sit down at the table, pour yourself some tea and discuss what is happening with you. People who value each other and are ready to help each other, sacrificing their interests somewhere (let me remind you, this is friendship) will definitely come to a consensus.
Simply put, since you are such friends, as it is drawn from your words, then behave like friends - correct the situation and support each other. Well, or don't call yourself friends, this is also a good option.
Total. It is impossible to part as friends - friends do not part, not friends part. If you decide to leave, then talk about it directly, emphasizing that you want to alleviate the pain (you won’t be able to remove it completely, this is a separation, it cannot but hurt). If you don’t want to leave, then take care of your relationship and improve them together.
