At first glance, it may seem that married people are much happier than single and even more so divorced. But if you look into this issue in detail, it turns out that couples who consider their marriage unsuccessful feel more unhappy than bachelors. It turns out that you are much closer to the goal than you think, even if you do not have a boyfriend right now. The main thing is a serious intention. You're almost at the finish line! This, by the way, cannot be said about people whose relationships leave much to be desired: they are at least three steps behind you. They need to: 1) survive a heartbreaking breakup; 2) emotional recovery; 3) build new relationships. And only the third point concerns you. So even if you're alone, it's not as bad as it seems. The path is free for you, there are no barriers on it. You just need to forget everything that you knew about it before, and in no case should you listen to the advice of your mother and friends. It sounds sad, but all you know about how to build a lasting relationship is the stereotypes imposed by society and the unnecessary whispers of your primitive nature. Even love in this case plays a very small role. Yes, it may seem cynical, but “things of the heart” primarily concern the mind and the ability to analyze what is happening.
First, realize how important this decision is and how your whole life depends on it.
No wonder the person you choose is called a life partner. Think about these words. How old are you now? Perform a simple arithmetic operation: subtract your age from 90 and get the number of years you will spend with your future partner. What was the number? 60? 70? Every time on a date, remember this and remember that by choosing a partner, you are practically choosing the trajectory along which your whole life will go. Think about weekdays and holidays, illnesses and vacations. The fact that you have to cook and eat 20,000 meals together, make about a hundred trips, you will have to listen to about 18,000 times how his day went! And how will you raise children, spend time in retirement, how many repairs, rearrangements will you make, how many times will you make love? Simple arithmetic. It seems that it is so natural to make a choice and enjoy life together with your loved one. But why do so many good, smart and logical people manage to choose partners who make their lives hell? Why do so many women remain lonely, unsatisfied and unhappy? Why are there so many divorces in our country? Although you don’t ask anyone, it seems to everyone that they did everything exactly as it should be: as mother said, as is customary. And listen to your heart. As it turns out, not everything is so simple. It is not enough just to fall in love or marry the “most-most”. There is a huge
the number of factors that begin to work against us.
Society knows nothing about your needs
Since childhood, we were taught that when choosing a partner, the main thing is love. Why think, analyze, weigh all the pros and cons? When it comes to love, public opinion condemns those who are too serious and insists that you should rely on fate and trust your feelings. Now imagine that choosing a life partner is a business. If a businesswoman were to use these tips while running her own business, she would probably go bust. In order to make a business successful, you need to do exactly the opposite: go to study, make a plan and carefully analyze the effectiveness of each step. This is logical, because this is how you can minimize errors and reap benefits. If you approach the choice of a permanent partner in this way, then everything will work out in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. You will surely be able to build healthy and harmonious relationship, provided that you act according to the principle of a businesswoman: draw up a detailed plan of action and begin to think through every action. The main thing is to understand that a harmonious relationship is a matter on which at least two fates depend: yours and your chosen one (or much more, given that you can have children). How can you treat
to such things lightly? But society is trying to stigmatize the intellectual approach in choosing a partner. And the opinions of others affect us much more than we think. According to a study by American scientists, the choice of a life partner is 98% dependent on imposed stereotypes and only 2% are our own desires. As a result, we choose those with whom we have extremely low compatibility. There is only one conclusion: do not listen to anyone! If you want to find love for life, act wisely, analyze, choose, compare. Use dating sites, do not miss any opportunity. In no case should you limit your search to colleagues, friends of friends or party-goers from a bar. Get on the wave, download dating apps like Tinder or Pure, go on speed dates, don't forget to change your status in in social networks to "Actively Searching". You know, there is nothing to be ashamed of: the 21st century is a time of abundance and great opportunities. Literally in all areas. The choice is great, and your weapon in this diversity is reason and freedom from all sorts of prejudices.
Biology can play a trick on you
Human nature was formed a very long time ago, when our ancestors did not know anything about a strong connection half a century long and the kinship of souls. And even when the mind persistently repeats: “Baby, this is not your option, look further!” - you do not want to hear anything and on the "chemical" roller coaster you are rushing into the abyss of passion. The result is millions of marriages concluded "for love", that is, under the influence of the first, often deceptive attraction, which, as you know, quickly passes. And there remains a void between strangers to each other. And that is not all. The so-called biological clock can also play a trick on you. If you want to have a baby, then you must make a choice around forty. And the louder the knock of the clock is heard, the more inadequate our behavior, because we are constantly in a stressful situation. No decision should be made in an unstable emotional state, whether it be the hormonal frenzy commonly referred to as falling in love, or the feverish rush to have offspring as soon as possible. Do not forget that medicine does not stand still, and now, after forty, any woman can give birth to a healthy baby, even two. One more thing: the more life experience you have, the more calmly and consciously you approach this important step. This is called emotional maturity.
Operate in a thoughtful manner
So, you are faced with the choice of a life partner. Use it all possible ways search, and when the candidate looms on the horizon, do not rush into feelings with your head, act differently. How? Think! Get to know the chosen one as best as possible, do not limit yourself to restaurants and cafes, go on a trip with him, go on a hike. Test it, make it open. Make sure you have a lot in common. And then make a "register" for and against. Describe your chosen one from all sides, reveal his qualities. Are his hobbies right for you? Remember that a man cannot be changed. If he loves football, he will love it until the day he dies. Does it suit you? Fine. Not? Looking for more. Or are you willing to sacrifice something for him? Find out for yourself exactly what. Arrange for him a confrontation with your friends, no matter how trite, but from the side it is clearer what he is like. Spend a few hot nights talking about everything you've experienced. Do not assume that you understand each other without words. Talk about everything, even if it seems that it is clear. Making sure this is your man for the rest of your life takes a lot of work. But you have helpers: reason, experience and a serious intention.
5 personality types that are especially hard to find a match for:
- You are a romantic nature and explain everything in the world by the presence of love. Imagine family life as an eternal honeymoon, forgetting about everything else. In vain!
- You are driven by the fear of being alone, not finding “the one”, breaking off unsuccessful relationships. Know that fear-driven people take more risks than others precisely because they are afraid to take risks.
- You depend on the opinions of others. But remember: choosing a life partner is your own business. Don't listen to anyone's advice.
- For you, appearance and career are more important than anything else. A man is not a dog, his personal qualities are more important than his exterior and the number of medals.
- Choosing a partner, you think only of yourself. You want to be adored, but you are not ready to answer the same. Relationships are primarily about two people. And not alone. Do not forget about it.
Three ways to know if he's right for you in bed:
Psychologist and sex coach Alex May told how to predict at the very beginning of a relationship what to expect from your sex life in the future. In order to find out if the shoes are comfortable or not, you need to try them on. In sex, the same thing: to be sure that a person is able to give you pleasure every day for many years, you need to spend a certain number of nights with him, carefully studying him. The main points are summarized in the following three paragraphs. The rest is a matter of time and hard work.
He is potentially teachable in sex. During one of the first nights together, carefully find out how he feels about experiments, sex toys and courses for couples. If he answers with a categorical “no”, then the male ego will not allow him to develop later. Most often, falling in love in the first year of a relationship does not allow you to notice that something is wrong in bed. But when the wave of endorphins subsides, sex life turns into a seven-minute routine. And if you do not find out in advance whether he is ready for development, then in a year you risk facing this problem.
You have similar sexual temperaments. Be sure to find out which of the three types he belongs to: tall - he needs to make love daily, sometimes even several times; low - he is quite satisfied with sex once or twice a month; medium - he needs
sex two or three times a week, most of these people. But remember that temperament can change depending on the stage of the relationship, age and lifestyle.
You like the same caresses, postures and movements. If you are against anal sex, and he only dreams about it, things will definitely not work for you. It is necessary to discuss prohibitions and preferences in advance. Do not hope that he will guess himself, arrange
According to the proverb "To love is to rule the world", falling in love, we are looking for our idealized image. In astrology, the most important role in love is played by Venus - in the horoscope of women, and Mars - in men. The Sun in the female horoscope indicates the man who is preferred, in the male horoscope the Moon plays the same role. The position of Saturn in relation to the Moon is associated with divorces.
ARIES- women. Aries are attractive and sociable, have a sense of humor and many admirers, love flirting. Fall in love easily and cool off quickly. Start a lot of novels. In general, Aries acquire wisdom in adulthood, often making a choice only at 30-35 years old.
Aries wives are amazing, they are ambitious, they move their husbands to success, but they are also aggressive. A smart man should put such a wife in her place. Aries wives are happy when they are led by someone they respect.
Aries husbands are irresponsible, it is difficult to call them to the house. Aries lacks stability and firmness, they need tactful companions.
The best partners for Aries are Taurus, Gemini, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces. It is difficult to get along with Cancer because of slowness, Libra and Capricorn - because of conservatism and lack of imagination.
TAURUS- for him to love is as natural as breathing. Venus rules Taurus - in their youth, Taurus has many romances, as they are kind and attractive. For them, marriage is more important than success in love.
Taurus women have an easy character, they are pleasant, although very practical, partners are chosen carefully. They can offer a husband a lot: taste, charm, the quality of a good housewife, but they also require moral and material satisfaction.
Taurus men are almost ideal husbands. They are faithful, reliable, generous, homely, love to be masters in their own home.
Taurus is very passionate, although laconic. They are ideal parents, often hiding a stormy temperament under a calm look. Taurus are restrained in the manifestation of feelings, do not recognize jealousy and suspicion.
Good partners: Gemini, Cancer, Pisces, Virgo, especially Aries, Capricorn, conflict with Leo and Scorpio. Mutual dislike with Aquarius.
TWINS- their motto in love: "The more the better." Love is a game for them. Desire is self-expression, in love affairs they show inexhaustible imagination and ingenuity. Intelligence usually wins over the emotional side of nature. They love to flirt and win.
Gemini often express dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction with life. Gemini women are very sexy, feminine and quite often beautiful.
They are intelligent and inventive, striving more for beauty than for family, although they like to make their home cozy and modern.
Gemini men combine charm with a developed intellect and impressionability. They love to go out and flirt, although they rarely do so. They value family and reputation. They cannot stand the constant pressure and nagging of their wife.
Suitable partners: Cancer, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Aries, Taurus. Difficult with Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces.
CANCER For them, life is boring and empty without love. They love selflessly, completely surrendering to feelings and classical passion. In a state of love, they suffer from lack of appetite and insomnia.
They may give the impression of changeable and cold natures, but this is not entirely true. The object of love is difficult to find because of the high claims of the individual. Having fallen in love, they can pursue the object of love for years.
Cancers are ideal, faithful wives, good housewives and mothers. They usually love their children more than their spouse.
Cancer men love good food and self-care, although they know how to cook themselves. Cancer is a domestic man - a gentle, kind, exemplary and exemplary husband. Cancers rarely marry at an early age, as they hardly leave their parental home and are too attached to their mother. Cancers are possessive and very jealous.
Get along well with Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus. Conflict with Libra, Capricorn, Aries.
A LION- for Leo, love is life itself. They are romantic, crave adoration and even idolization. Although the Lions adhere public opinion, for the sake of love, they are able to transcend all boundaries.
Leo women are sexy and attractive. Leo wife - gem. She is responsible, a good housewife, takes care of her appearance, requires a lot of attention. The Leo woman is a godsend for an honest man.
Leo men are ideal lovers: passionate, skillful, generous, love to give gifts, considerate. Leo is hard to resist. Sentimental, love flowers and Love letters. The Leo man is generous, very jealous. Loves society.
Ideal companions are Leo, Libra, Cancer, Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini. Mutual coldness with Aquarius and Taurus.
VIRGO- the most misunderstood sign of the zodiac. Virgos, on the one hand, are cold, on the other, they are impressionable. Their coldness is often deceptive. Nature Dev explained Greta Garbo: "I want to be alone."
It is possible that Virgos are too picky and overly analytical. Virgos are afraid of criticism, afraid of being misunderstood.
Too sensual, Virgos are wonderful wives, witty and dependable.
Virgos are less interested in the sexual side of marriage than Scorpios or Pisces, but they are more attentive to their spouse. Virgos need a partner who does not require constant efforts in love and does not fall into romantic fantasies. They need a person they respect. They are optimistic.
Virgos are happy with Libra, Capricorn, Scorpio, Taurus, Cancer and Leo. They cannot get along with Sagittarius, Pisces, Gemini.
SCALES- charming and charming, you can fall in love with them at first sight, they know a lot about love. Hobbies are usually few.
Libras are happy if their feelings are appreciated. Sentimental and like to leave something as a memory of love.
Libra women are feminine and love to be praised. Libra is the constellation of marriage, prone to early marriages and the creation of a happy and strong family. Libra wives are wonderful wives and mothers.
Husbands are great specialists in love, they often enjoy the bachelor life.
Libra loves music, art, society. Thorough Libra conquers partners, but it is difficult for them to live in the world because of high demands. They require love, attention, peace.
Get along with Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini, Leo and Virgo. They do not like Capricorns and Aries.
SCORPION- dynamic and powerful, attracts like a magnet. He is called the king of sex, venturing into marriage can have happy family. Scorpios do not like easy flirting. Novels are given with all their heart and soul, subconsciously feeling sincere and deceitful people. They rarely make mistakes in a partner. In unhappy marriages, they are cruel and vengeful.
Scorpio women have a strong passion and sensuality, ready to make sacrifices.
Usually they love the family, but they can be stubborn and selfish in them.
If you gave your heart to Scorpio, know that he does not like to share his thoughts: he is possessive and jealous. It is dangerous to flirt in his presence, he does not forgive cheating.
Scorpios are compatible with Sagittarius, Capricorn, Cancer, Virgo, Libra. Hate Aquarius, conflict with Taurus.
SAGITTARIUS- a sign of bachelors. Sagittarians are less than others disposed towards romance and love, good-natured and sociable. In love, they are sincere and believe in best qualities people are rarely possessive and jealous. For Sagittarians, unhappy marriages are rare.
The Sagittarius wife may be unfaithful, but she is always a wonderful comrade and friend, a good, hospitable hostess, happy only when she has freedom. She shouldn't have a jealous husband.
The Sagittarius man does a lot, but he is also in high demand. He loves hunting and stays up late at work. Sagittarius needs a wife who can give him freedom and share his interests.
Compatible with Leo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Aries, Libra, Scorpio, do not like Pisces, Virgo, Gemini.
CAPRICORN- blooms late, but retains charm until old age. He is practical in everything, even in love. Having many novels, falls in love with difficulty.
Very critical, the choice is often successful. Capricorns can't stand being alone.
Capricorn women. They are not easy to confuse, they are unimportant to one charm and flattery. They strive to have influential and practical husbands.
Capricorn husbands are reliable, although they often strive for autocracy in their home. They have difficulty expressing their feelings. They lack any hint of romanticism. They are too laconic, you will not hear any praise or approval from them. Many Capricorn husbands believe that they express their love by supporting the family, and wives by preparing and cleaning the apartment.
Capricorn has a great need for stability. As a rule, they are stingy, save money, adhere to all kinds of conventions, do not like extravagance either in clothes or in thoughts.
Converge with Aquarius, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius. Difficult - with Aries, Cancer, Libra.
AQUARIUS- usually an idealist and more interested in high matters than novels.
In love, he is faithful and constant, as a rule, monogamous. It's nice to be in company with him. Friends has a different level and position in society. Satellites are chosen carefully, the demands are high. Likes strong-willed people.
Aquarius is usually multilaterally developed, leads an interesting and multifaceted life. For him, love is never the only outlet. Easily compromises without being jealous. He needs life partners who have similar interests, who are able to appreciate and trust.
Gets along well with Pisces, Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn. He does not like Taurus for lack of imagination, Scorpio - for jealousy, Leo - for too much demands in love.
FISHES- born for love. Passionate and skillful, they know a lot about physical and spiritual love, the requirements are high, easily vulnerable. A careless word of a partner can extinguish the fire of passion.
Very prone, especially women, to dreams and fantasies.
Pisces women are amazing in beauty, they conquer men's hearts with the ability to understand and love them. They often marry early. Pisces Wives are faithful and devoted, their home is the "basis of the world" for a spouse. Sometimes very flattering.
Pisces men - good husbands, all life with them can be a honeymoon. Pisces are indecisive because of the fear of being rejected. They are generous and idolize their wives.
Pisces is compatible with Aries, Taurus, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius. They do not like Virgo, Gemini.
God has a special blessing for every person. God breaks curses, forgives sins, heals sickness, and is able to meet every need. God also arranges personal life. The family and its creation is the will of God. God not only created man, but also the first family, saying "it is not good for man to be alone." “And the man said, Behold, this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, for she was taken from her husband. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cling to his wife; and [two] shall be one flesh.” ()
Of course, there is a description in the Bible of the gift of celibacy, when people remain free and serve God, but this is not given to everyone. Many believers have a desire to start a family, to do it right - you need to pray. It is important not to make a mistake, because the decision to start a family affects our entire future.
The family, like faith, must be built on a solid spiritual foundation. We need to pay close attention to what the Bible says about family and marriage. What to do if a husband or wife has an unbelieving spouse in the church. Scripture says not to divorce, because “an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy ”(). The Lord can, through our prayers, save our unbelieving relatives. As for starting a family from the beginning, it is better not to marry or marry unbelievers. “If the Lord does not build the house, those who build it work in vain” (). It is much better to build a family on the basis of God's word.
1) It is worth choosing a believing life partner.
A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. ()
Unbelievers and believers do not have common goals, principles, unity. With their union, there will always be disagreements and quarrels. Therefore, it is worth looking not only at the appearance, but at the internal qualities. Between spouses there should be a spiritual correspondence. It is worth carefully observing how a potential spouse serves God, how the Word knows, what moral principles he has. A mistake when a person says that he can change his life partner in marriage. Only God changes people, and if this did not happen before the wedding, then there will be problems in marriage. “Pretty is deceptive and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is worthy of praise ”().
2) There must be spiritual correspondence.
Character, habits, inclinations are also an important part of the relationship. How is communication built, are there common interests and topics? It is worth considering these issues before marriage, as this will affect relationships in the family.
3) Physical compliance.
First of all, it refers to age. The difference should not be too large, as this may affect the marriage.
4) Diligence and desire for creation.
“Who can find a virtuous wife? its price is higher than pearls; the heart of her husband is confident in her, and he will not be left without profit ”(). It is important that both husband and wife try to do everything to strengthen and build the family. This applies to issues of finance, comfort, order. It is important for parents to teach their child to work, because it financially supports the family.
5) Attitude towards parents.
It is important to see how the future life partner relates to parents. The commandment says: "honor your father and mother." Therefore, if the bride and groom do not value their parents or relatives, then this negativity will also be in marriage. “Incessant drops on a rainy day and a grumpy wife are equal” ().
Summing up, it is worth advising, first of all, to pray for a life partner. The Lord is able to create circumstances and direct people to each other. It is also worth serving God zealously, because when we put God's purposes first in our lives, the Lord will help us in our needs. It is worth considering the advice of parents, pastors and ministers of the church. All these people have experience of life and are able to give wise advice. Before marriage, it is worth having a pure and chaste relationship. This will give a blessing in the future family.
Bishop Gregory Tropets
It is important to understand who you are looking for, who you need and with whom you would like to live your life. Often they begin to build relationships, poorly understanding who they need and why. They get married only because someone turned up, a romance sparkling with sex began to spin, or because it was lonely. The time for romantic relationships is passing, the candy-flower period will end, the wedding bells will ring, and the family life. And then rose-colored glasses slide down on his forehead in amazement. Who do I live with? Who is it? Why is he like this? And he always was. You just didn’t think about whether you need the right person.
How to choose the right partner
Women often come to me for counseling after a divorce. tell sad stories about disappointments. He was not the one. Mama's boy, gigolo, alcoholic, lazy, etc. His other qualities that they did not want and could not put up with.
Where were your eyes, my dear. When as a child you dreamed of a wedding dress and Mendelssohn's march, of a home and walking hand in hand through life in joy and happiness. Have you thought about who you need? With whom can you build such a dream life?
As a rule, girls are well aware of the style of their wedding dress. But they think little about who they would like to see next to them.
The wedding dress is worn for 1 day. And the right spouse will be with you all your life. And don't play Russian roulette with it. Lucky - no luck.
In order to somehow reduce the influence of blind chance on your destiny, I propose to approach this issue in a feminine rational way and perform a simple exercise. Portrait of the desired man (woman) - underline as necessary.
You need to complete 4 sections:
1. Mandatory qualities in a man. This includes the characteristics of a man that, in your opinion, must be present in your potential man. The most important, the most important. For example, his age is from 20 to 40, perhaps his nationality and religion, place of residence will be important to you. Education. Some personal qualities. Desire to have children. The ability to make money. Delicious barbecue. I give examples. You write yours.
2. Not required, but desirable. Here you indicate the qualities that are not necessary, but I would like them to be. The ability to cook or make repairs, taller than average, Brad Pete's cheekbones, the presence of a foreign car, his own apartment, his mother lives in another country. Etc. etc.
3. Undesirable but acceptable qualities. Here you prescribe characteristics that you do not really like. But, provided that there is more good, you are ready to put up with it. He scatters his socks, plays computer in the evenings, likes to sing karaoke, uses your spinning rod without asking.
4. Unacceptable qualities. Write here what you can not accept under any circumstances. Because qualities that do not completely suit you, and having discovered them, the applicant for your hand and heart automatically drops out of the list of worthy ones. Alcoholic, drug addict, gambler, has a small harem within the area and pays alimony to his 9 illegitimate offspring.
Once again I will repeat. You write your list. Create your image.
Here is a simple task. It takes no more than 15 minutes to complete. It is enough to write from 5 to 9 qualities. But it is important that there are no distortions. If in paragraph 1 you have a lot of characteristics, then this indicates that you are looking for someone too perfect. If points 3 and 4 are overloaded for you, it means that you are too critical. Then these qualities should be redistributed.
Everything ingenious is simple. And this exercise, Rationality is important when planning happy life and strive to avoid mistakes.
1. Men can also create such a list.
2. Can be used when you are looking for a job, thinking about how to spend your vacation, or choosing a new place to live, etc. One-stop way
3. The main thing is to apply.
Sooner or later, on their own or with someone else's help, every man (with rare exceptions) comes to the conclusion that it's time to get married and have your own family. But in order to have a family, children, you first need to find a worthy candidate for the role of your soulmate. How to choose a life partner?
Pay attention to character
So often people in the reasons for the divorce, they write the banal phrase “The characters did not agree”. But this is not just a reply, indeed, if people have too different characters, they most likely will not be able to live in perfect harmony for many years. Yes, they say that opposites attract, but it’s better to find yourself a soul mate who will be like you. Moreover, we are subconsciously looking for people who are at least somewhat similar to us.
Example: you are a homebody with a not too active lifestyle, and your beloved leads an active lifestyle, loves extreme sports. Do you have a happy joint future when there are no common interests, when you are too different and unlike each other. But a lot depends on the presence of common hobbies. In this case, you will not have harmony in the intimate sphere and everyday life.
There are no people consisting of merit alone
Do not try to find yourself a woman who will suit you one hundred percent. Anyway, every representative of the weaker sex there will be some features that you can not put up with. But it’s one thing when a spouse just prepares for a long time to go out (you can talk and decide everything amicably), and another thing is when she practically doesn’t look after the house due to her upbringing.
A little more about the advantages and disadvantages
Think about what human qualities must be present in your future spouse, which are undesirable, but those that you can still put up with, and which are absolutely undesirable. It is enough for one man that his wife keeps the house in order and cooks deliciously, for another - that she is simply smart and well-read, for the third - that she is sexy and knows how to excite. Here you are decide what is most important to you.
Will she be a good mother?
A family is not only a husband and wife, it is also children. So when you find what you think is the right candidate for the role of wife, imagine what kind of mother she will become with her character. If you think that she will cope with this role, then here is your life partner - develop a relationship with her.
